This is the thing: When you hit 28 or 30, everything begins to divide. You can see very clearly two kinds of people. On one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find … themselves and their dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults. Then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They’ve stayed in jobs they hate, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. … they mean to develop intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don’t do those things, so they live in an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than when they graduated.
Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal.
Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? … Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?”
Now is your time. Walk closely with people you love, and with people who believe … life is a grand adventure. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life’s path.
With all my tumblr reading, following, and all that, I’ve been pretty crappy with blogging.
I’ve got a few confessions I just need to get out:
I have not been feeling very confident about myself lately. For the last.. year? At least. If I’m being honest.
I’ve gained a lot of weight, and it’s made me not like what I see in the mirror. I’m somewhere between 185-190, and it’s been like that since at least the beginning of the year. that’s higher than any weight I’ve ever seen on myself. I thought when John left I’d lose all this weight since I wouldn’t be going out to eat like I was with him, but it hasn’t happened. It’s not like I’ve been eating all bad, it’s more just overeating. Even with CrossFit on the regular, it’s not enough to balance out.
And mind you, my weight itself isn’t that big of a deal, but the fact that I haven’t seen much changes physically, like clothes aren’t really feeling better, yes, I have a bit more muscle definition, but a lot of it is hidden under all this fat. I love doing CrossFit, I’ve been going almost every day that there’s class, but my diet.. it could be better. I put clothes in that I think look cute and then I look in the mirror and I don’t like what I see.
It’s such a conflict because I know I’m great the way I am, but I want to be better. And I want to just move out of my mom’s house already and get started on doing things my way and implementing my own way of being. I know I should just start now, but there’s some things that just don’t work when I live with my mother.
Looking at my history, I was at a good weight and maintained and liked what I saw for a long time… until i moved back in with my mom. The pounds just crept up.. I indulged more, and eventually I started avoiding the mirror. I don’t know if it was complacency, disappointment, depression, stress, laziness, I have no idea. But it all has added up. And I feel like until I get out of here, I can’t begin to reach my potential. I don’t know where I’m going with this. I just know I have so many plans when I move out, I can’t wait. I hope it helps my confidence and helps me figure out what’s been up with me..
“Why Women Need Iron Women need iron. Not the vitamin. The barbell. We are trained by the world around us to have fucked up ideas about our bodies; iron unfucks them. We are supposed to be as thin as possible, as small as possible, perhaps until we disappear; iron teaches us to take up space. We are taught that the only good direction for the scale to go is down, and to agonize ritualistically when it goes up. Iron teaches us the power of gaining weight for strength and gives us another weight to care about – the weight we are lifting. We are taught to eat small amounts daintily and treat food as sin and pleasure. Iron teaches us to eat heartily, to see food as fuel for life, and to seek out nutritious food rather than avoiding sinful food. We are taught to think of our bodies as decorative, an object to be looked at; iron teaches us to think of our bodies as functional, our own active selves, not passive objects for another’s regard. Whole industries exist to profit by removing from us our confidence and selling it back as external objects. Iron gives us confidence from within through progressive training and measurable achievements. We are taught to be gentle and hide our strength or even to cultivate charming physical weakness until we start to believe our bodies are weak. Iron teaches us how strong we can be.”
— I will tell anyone how much I weigh, it doesn’t bother me. I take up space. I am strong. I am determined to succeed. This attitude has put off so many people, mostly men, but I really don’t care. If they can’t handle a little confidence then do I really want to know them? Nope nope nope octopus I do not.